Have you ever wondered before, God, why am I here? Or, you know, what's my purpose? Or, I thought I knew my purpose, but why am I not there yet? And maybe you feel stuck, overlooked, or like you've been put on pause while everyone else is just simply moving forward or excelling. You've got dreams, ambitions, a sense that you were made for something more. But the doors you thought would be open seem to be bolted shut. I get it. I've been there. I am there and I see that God has taken me on the other side of that. I think today we're gonna talk about that tension, the pool between wanting to build something great for God or so we say we want to build something great for God, and the quiet whisper of Jesus saying, follow me. Let it go. My name is Alexi, and this is Chaos and Christ. All right, cool. So let's talk about godly ambition, contentment, and why, uh, where you are right now might be exactly where God wants you to be. Um, I want to kind of dive in and explore a little bit about human desire and, uh, just the desire for us to make a, a name for ourselves. Um, and this is gonna be like a personal thing for me to just kind of, uh, just been dealing with, uh, this pretty much many years. But have, um, have you guys seen Troy, uh, the movie Troy? It's a good movie. I love that. Those kind of movies. Um, I won't belabor the point. If you haven't seen it, go watch this with Brad Pit. Pretty, pretty decent. But there's a conversation that Achilles is having with his mother Theus, uh, about whether or not he will go to Troy and fight in the Trojan Wars or stay back home. And so there's this conversation that's taking place here, and I have a quote that the mother gives to Achilles that I think is, uh, just worth reading. Uh, check this out. Uh, theta is saying, if you stay in Larissa, you will find peace. You will find a wonderful woman. You will have sons and daughters who will have children, and they'll all love you and remember your name. But when your children are dead and they're children after them. Your name will be forgotten if you go to Troy Glory will be yours. They will write stories about your victories in thousands of years, and the world will remember your name. But if you go to Troy, you will never come back for your glory walks hand in hand with your doom, and I shall never see you again. And that's a very powerful quote and statement. Achilles has a choice to make here, and if you've seen the movie, and if you haven't, I'm gonna have to spoil it for you guys. I'm sorry, but that's just where it's at. Achilles clearly goes, I mean, you should know this from school or something, but he goes to war. But it's amazing that he's presented with a life of peace. A life that he would be able to find a wonderful woman to love, who would love him back to share a life with. And then they would have children and then they could raise these children, uh uh, and those children will go on to do whatever in life, I guess. And then they will have children and they would, it is not like his name will be forgotten from his children and his grandchildren. But after he's gone and then his kids and his grandkids are gone. Yeah. Chances are your name won't be remembered. I don't remember or really know my great, great grandfather's name on both sides. And that's just two greats, right? So there's obviously many more, uh, within my family lineage that I have no idea about. Uh, and this is true what Theus was TA talking to Achilles about is exactly right. But if you want glory, then you're gonna go to Troy, because guess what? I. People will speak about your name for thousands of years to come. Stories will be written about your victories. They'll be teaching it in public schools and, and that's true too. I mean, we're clearly speaking about it today at this moment in the year 2025 of our Lord. I don't know if that's really what his mom said in, in history. I, I'm assuming that the movie took. You know, creative liberties to, to do so. But it's still a very true statement that we are at times, uh, presented with in our own lives. Maybe to, not to the extent of, Hey, go to war and, you know, people wouldn't know your name and write down books, but we kind of want that. There's a, there's a desire in us to, to want the glory in that way, and we are willing to actually sacrifice. The idea of finding another, uh, a person that we can make a spouse and, and, and do life with and have children with. That sounds okay and it's nice, but it's not going all in right. It's not going all out for what you feel deep down the side you're meant for, right? It's, it's about greatness. We're the same way, and the culture tells us that if we're not building something big, we're wasting our life. No one's coming to us about going to war and being, you know, named, you know, glorious. But we are presented with tons of content online, especially YouTube, Instagram, to pursue this business, to earn this much money, to get the body to build, uh, a social media brand and get the likes and the comments, and we strive for this. Uh, because deep down inside, we want to be known. We want to feel some, some level of significance that others recognize. And we do it in many different ways. Some people do. Really good content creation and work and build businesses and make great money. And maybe it's not about their name for them, but at the end of the day there are many that are pursuing it even at the lowest levels. I always find it, uh, funny and. Laughable that many times people will take their phone and get on Instagram, Snapchat, whatever, and just record themselves singing a song, and you'll have a whole, like three minutes of just watching 'em literally try to sing lip syc the song lyric by lyric, some of them failing abysmally sometimes. Uh, but what, what, what's behind that? What, what's happening there? What are they trying to portray to those that watch? There a free spirit that, um, I don't know. I I, I'm still trying to figure that one out, to be very honest. But a desire for attention, a desire to be liked, to be found. Interesting. At the very least, we all do this in some levels, and I'm saying the same thing I do, I do the same thing. We all do this in some. Shape or form. But then there are some people, and I, I will put myself in a camp that, that had ideas about their life. You had an idea about your life that was supposed to go a specific way, and you are around your thirties, you are, or maybe even late twenties, and, but you're around the age where you thought that it was supposed to be this specific way and it's not. And you're dealing with regret, but you still hold onto this identity or this thought about who you will become and what you will do and how everyone will know about it. Now, obviously as Christians, we have to understand that there's a difference between godly ambition, which is what we should both, we should all have, and then selfish ambition, which we don't want to admit, we do have most of the time. And with Achilles in this scenario, he had a very personal ambition of major glory and world renowned past his death, past generations upon generations. He wanted that, that sounded more appealing to him, to the point where he was willing to die, to not meet a woman, to not be in love, but to go down. Uh, in history is one of the greatest of the warriors, and he was willing to die. His mother told him, you're gonna die. This will be the last time I see you. And he was okay with that. He chose, how many of you would do something like that would deny the idea of finding a, a, a partner in life to be your wife or husband, to have children with them, and then to see your children have children? How many of you would say that that's okay? But there's gotta be something greater. Well, if we're following Christ, Jesus flips that on its head quite, um, boldly straight to the point in your face. He flips that on our, on our heads, what the world says we're supposed to pursue. The Lord says, it's not like that with us. It's not like that for you. And this is gonna cause a lot of tension within your own self. And I, I, I hope that this blesses you. I'm gonna read Matthew 16, 24 to 26, uh, it reads, then Jesus told his disciples if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. So lemme just park it right there for a second. He's talking to, to the disciples and those that are around him, and he's saying, if anyone's gonna say that you are, uh, my disciple. And in, in our day and age, if anyone's gonna say they're, they're Christians, you're gonna post this on your social media bios. You're gonna, you're gonna wear the t-shirts, buy the coffee mugs. If that's what you say you're gonna be, that you're gonna follow me, well then. You have to deny yourself and take up your cross. So to deny ourselves is to say no to the things you know for a fact, God is not pleased with, or that the scriptures reveal is sin. And nowadays, today all we do is try to justify it while still bearing the name of Christian. We try to justify this. Because it's what we like and it's about our own pleasure. See, that's where the selfish ambition comes from, and we think that there's, these are just sins that God forgives me for, and we could just toss it away, not realizing what is happening inside your heart. This ambition. I mean, sin is really just, it is the transgression of his law and of his word. It is the breaking of what he says not to do. Um, but it's also in the same note, uh, a desire to say, I have it under control. I desire me more than I desire you, Lord, I think my way is the best way and not your way. And that's what sin is. And that's what sin does, and that's what we do. And so therefore, we don't deny ourselves. We say, I accept myself. And isn't that what we hear all the time in the culture these days? Love yourself. Do it for you, for your happiness. Marriages are being broken up by men and women alike because of their quote unquote happiness. Whole families are destroyed because of this. We saw in early 20 20, 20, 21, 22, 2, uh, people like, uh, Mr. Beast's buddy who did, uh, the, the YouTube with him who left his, uh, loving family, a wife, and, and I believe a, a child to transition into a woman. Yeah. Well, because it made him happy, right? That is selfish ambition in the most twisted and corrupt way. But it's a very extreme example that isn't even an extreme anymore because it literally has happened and these, this is what many people were doing in the culture, um, not even a year or two ago. So that is what it looks like. When God calls us to live a life of righteousness and holiness in submission to Christ, in submission to what his word teaches, we're not to commit adultery. We're not to divorce our husbands or our wives for any reason because of your feelings, which I see now even in the church. Uh, wives divorcing their husbands because of their feelings, and then people around them in the church praise them. And not call them to repentance because it makes, you know, it makes them happy. Or some, some case that's not denying ourselves, that's being about ourselves, being full of ourselves. And this is what the Lord is saying, we, we have to deny ourselves. That's hard. That is difficult. That is sacrificing the things that we hold dear and love and cherish that please us. But not God and whatever that is, you know what that is? We often think it, it's like, oh, it's the drugs. Well, yeah, for sure. A hundred percent. Yeah. It's, it's the weed in our culture, weed is highly praised and it's accepted and people will go and die on the hill of defending smoking weed. That's, that's the thing. Alcoholism, yes. We have to be able to, uh, let that go if we're prone to drunkenness. But what about sexual immorality and the fact that nowadays that is so prevalent even in the church, girlfriend and boyfriend sleeping together, girlfriend and boyfriend doing, uh, things that they shouldn't be doing out, uh, in outside of the context of marriage, moving in together without being first married. And I know people that have done that and they might hear this podcast and probably take of offense of it. And I don't mean to be malicious 'cause I was guilty of it just as well. I, I had said in that way as well. But I guess that's my point. I know the consequences of these things and it's, it really destroyed me in, in many ways, God's grace has been sufficient and I am, um, you know, I'm walking in newness of light with Christ now, but. It. It was very heavy and there were consequences, and to this day, I still face them so. But that's, that's what we're dealing with. Not to mention the L-G-B-T-Q um, propaganda and push that has happened in the last couple of years. That is also a sexual perversion that we need to be able to be bold about. But let's be honest, it's not just that it is that we are in our heterosexuality sleeping with our girlfriend and boyfriends without being in the context of marriage. And that we are going out and we are giving ourselves to, to party and consciousness and anger, strife, desires of, of money and greed and how we go about that. The list goes on and on and on, and God calls you out of that. He calls us out of that to deny ourselves. And then as, uh, to take it further. It's not just to say no to these things. We are to the, to say no to these things, but now we have to pick up our cross. These, it's a burden to bear. It's a, it's a life of, uh, self-sacrifice in a sense. Again, when you think about what the Lord had to do in order to pay for the penalties of our sin, he had to carry his own cross up that mountain. And so you get the picture here that. This is what Jesus calls us to do. If we are to say we are Christian, and then it goes on in verse 25 to say, for whoever would save his life will lose it. But whoever loses his life will, for my sake, find it. And see that's, that's another thing, right? We tend to go and want to not deny ourselves, but to completely fully accept ourselves. And we are chasing after things to, to save our own lives. We do it in relationships with our careers, with our money, with, with, um, with substances. Uh, there's so many things that we take and we try to save our own lives with and to, to build it up. Running from God. Right. You know, because we know that his ways are calling us to deny ourselves and we think that we're trying to, I don't know, save something out there fun, whatever we call it. But Jesus is saying that if we try to do that to save our own life, by our, by our own might. By, by going after riches, by going after fame, by going after whatever it is that you're going after. If we try to do this by our own, might, then actually we're gonna lose our life. So ironically, the everything we fear about our lives, you know, loss, we then go to, all right, try to save it in our own might and still end up losing it anyway. You gotta appreciate the irony here. But then Jesus takes it further and says, but whoever loses his life, for my sake, will find it. You see what's happening here? We are to deny and lose our life and the pleasures and the, and the ideas we once thought we had about our lives. For the sake of Christ, for his way, for his, his will. At his service because when we do that, we actually find our lives. We actually find what we're looking for when we try to do it in our Al Might. Verse 26 reads, for what will the prophet a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul, or what shall a man give in return for his soul? Our identity has to be rooted in Christ first and not achievement. Take a paper, write down what it is you're trying to achieve. It's not just money sometimes for people. It's not just fame. Um, these are easy to pick on, but there are things subtly that we are trying to achieve that might not be for you. It might not be what God has called for you. Despite how much you've convinced yourself and have attached yourself to this identity, it might not be for you. It might be that Jesus is saying, let it go and just follow me. And so that's what we'll dive into next, the process of letting go and trusting in God's timing. So I'm gonna share this personal thing with you. Years ago when I first came to know about Christianity, uh, and, and just I guess going through the, the process of, of conversion and becoming a Christian. I ended up going to a youth group called Uprising, the city of Chicago. It was, it was a pretty lit youth group, I'll be honest. The pastor, uh, it was just kinda like your man's man. Funny dude. Um, and you know, a lot of respect for him. The way he preached was bold, straightforward, and I've always respected that. I've always respected. Just raw truth and grittiness. You know, I don't like soft pedaling things and, um, I just don't like the softness of, of how things are, you know. Given these days and, and this, he wasn't like that. He was bold, he was honest, he was straightforward. He added the humor. He was just a good preacher. I'll just put it like that. And I would go to the youth group and eventually, I don't know how it happened, but we started talking and I just remember being a 14-year-old kid, I didn't grow up with my father. I was desperately looking for acceptance and validation wherever I could find it amongst my friends and at the time. An older man, a brother, like figure, a older brother figure or a father figure. If he gave me something that will validate with me, I would run with it. And my youth pastor one, one time, I just kind of remember this clearly, him looking at me and saying, you know, you are called into the ministry. I believe you're called to be a pastor. Guys, that will be the trajectory of my life. That will be something that I will wrap my identity around for many years to come. And mind you, I'm 34 and I think I've now just come out of that at the end of that. And I still even wrestle with it. I still do wrestle with it. That was an identity I wrapped my head around so much, so much, guys, you have no idea. That was everything. And then I would try to deny it and then try to tell people I don't want it because deep down actually I did. But I thought that the humble thing to do was to not want and to push it away. And I had this weird dance with this situation. And at the same time, as much as I started to, um, love God and the gospel, and actually, yeah, actually I did start to find enjoyment in the scriptures and wanted to study the scriptures and actually learn about theology and, and sound doctrine. It would take years for me to truly grasp that. Uh, but it was definitely growing in me, but it was more so about. Me being a person who could speak in front of many people because I got this, uh, charismatic gift about me, and I wrapped my identity around that for a long time. And I wrestle with that, that calling, that identity, all, all the while always, uh, just in my life dealing with sin. You know, I, I, I believe God saved me during that period of time, but I was wrestling with, uh, sin, sexual morality. I had a girlfriend at the time, and we were definitely, uh, doing it all wrong. And I, I, I just, I'd wrestled with that and then I would have moments of discouragement and comparison, especially the older I get. Seeing that there are other people that probably have gone to where I thought I was supposed to be and now I'm not there at all far from it. And lately God has been shifting my mindset. I gotta be honest with you, I recently, I don't know what it was. I was talking to, um, my pastor now and I was talking about potentially getting a new job and he mentioned something about. In, in prayer about me seeking to work a quietly with, uh, a quiet, leading a quiet life, working with my hands, um, to, you know, and this is found, uh, I believe in Thessalonians if my mind or memory serves me well. But when he said that something in me, I don't know, it hit heavy. We got off the phone, then I started to pray, and then I just, I just recognized, I just realized like. What if, what if that it's not my calling at all? What's what If that is not who I'm supposed to be, and, and look, I'm gonna be really real with you here. I actually started to, to sob. It was as if I, something was getting pulled out from under me. My identity. I realized that all my life I've just been wanting to be special and many people in, in the church back then at the time, would, you know that that was a big thing at the church. You're calling this, you're calling that you're special this, you're special, that, and I honestly thought I was some special snowflake. I really thought that God had set me apart to be a preacher and to be, to do something great and the thought of that actually not being true. It broke me. It broke me. I actually was sobbing and it, I mean, it's heavy. It's heavy. For me it's, it is still heavy. But as I was praying, I realized, yeah, what if God does not want that for me? What if that's it? And just the pain I was feeling, and I don't know if it was because I held onto it so long that releasing it felt good, or I held onto it so long that to release that felt. Like, I had no purpose. Now, now what am I to do? Who am I? This was what I thought I was striving towards, even though I, I haven't been striving towards it. I did everything but walk in accordance with the Lord up until a couple years ago. But my mind has started to shift and instead, I, I, I started to just say, you know what, Lord, I'm okay with it. I'm okay if that's not what I'm supposed to do anymore. I let it go because my ambition, it shouldn't be for that for me to say, I made it, I finally got here. Um, and so that can what put, put it on my Facebook or Instagram that I guess what I'm now, now I'm a pastor. What does that, what does that mean? What so what? Right. I used to think that ambition was wrong. I used to wrestle with that too 'cause I am an ambitious person. Um, and when I put my mind to something, I'm all in. But I would wrestle with the idea that, you know, maybe I'm not supposed to be ambitious. Uh, maybe I'm not supposed to be that guy, but I think I, I'm coming to this place where I know the Lord has given me this thing of ambition, but it needs to be rightly ordered, godly ambition. Ambition that pleases the Lord. And in that moment I realized that I was feeling discomfort of not being in control of my own life in that way. And. I'm not. But then the peace that that comes right after that, when I just decide to surrender to, to God's plan, whatever that looks like, it's different and I'm feeling lighthearted about it right now. And so really what I'm trying to get at. Is that maybe you're in a place right now where you thought life was supposed to be a specific way and it's not, and you're still hoping and you're still wondering, or maybe you're starting to come to the conclusion that, man, what if this is not at all for me? What if this is not what I'm supposed to be doing? Like how, how did I even get here? Does God even have anything great for me? I wanna encourage you for, for you who feel stuck, overlooked, who feel like you're just abandoned or nothing great is ever gonna come from your life. I, I think I'm gonna encourage you to recognize that God is not wasting this season. He's not wasting the seasons that we find ourselves in. God is preparing you for what it is that he wants you to do. Not what you think you wanna do, but what he has called you to do. 'cause there is a calling on your life. There is a purpose for your, your existence here. And the the sovereign king is orchestrating all of that for his glory and for our good. But it might not look like what you think it looks like. It might not be exactly what you've always wanted it to be, and it might be exactly what you wanted it to be. And then when you get there, you realize it's not all that it's cracked up to be. We have really no idea at the end of the day, but what is our ambition to be? It is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Right? Isn't not that. And so then what is our calling right now? And our calling right now is to not waste what God has given to us at the moment. What is before you now is what he has called you to be responsible for and to steward well with excellence. And so that is where your ambition should lie, despite not being where you think you're supposed to be or being left out in exile. For example, Moses in, in Exodus chapters two and three. Rays in Pharaoh's house with influence and status, and then tried to act in his own strength by stopping a fight between one of the, the citizens of Egypt or, or maybe the officials against one of his own people, the Hebrews Moses killing the man, and then finding out that people did know about them and they found out, and now he was. In exile. And then Moses, we all know the story about Moses. We all know the, the great things that God used him for, but do you realize that Moses was in exile for 40 years in the wilderness, forgotten by man, but being formed by God 40 years? Can you wait 40 years? Are you good with God? Uh, placing you in a, in a world of simplicity? Of, of just working quietly with your hands where no one knows your name, no one thinks you're special, no one recognizes your gifts or talents. Can you actually do 40 years of that? Most people would say life is over. It's over for me. 40 years for me at 30 makes me close to 60. Uh, yeah. 40, 56. 70. 70. And I think Moses was 80 at the time when God called him. Um, and, and called him through the burning bush. And then eventually God does call him. And what does he say? After decades of silence, he says, go set my people free. I have a purpose for you. And, and we want that story. We want the story of, of let my people go, right? We want the King David story and not recognizing what we have to go through the Joseph story, the second in command, right? But not recognizing how many times he was lied to, imprisoned, slandered, forgotten, betrayed years, 14 years and, and you, you'd wonder, where's God and all of that. I'm talking about years, guys. I'm talking about years. What if God has called you to that? To be faithful in the now to so where you are to trust God with the harvest and to trust that he has it all planned out. It might not be what you thought you were supposed to be and it might end up where. You might come to the end of your life and no one still knows your name, but if you don't think God is using you for his purposes, for his glory, for the sake of others to know who Christ is using you, then I, I encourage you to take a step back and really consider your life and really think about, your current circumstances. We have to get to a place where we recognize that we are where we are, we are right now, and God has called us to it. And we will actually find peace when we abandon the idea of our own selfish ambition, the image that we've created in our own minds, and lay it down at the Lord's feet and simply follow him. Just follow him. And trust that wherever he he leads you, it's where he has called you to be. And so your faithfulness should be where you are now. Look around you and see what it is God has given you responsibility over. Is it being a wife? Is it being a husband? Is it being a dad? Is it being a mom? That's definitely a calling to raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord in your work. Or if you're a or you know, a homemaker, that is your calling. There is. There is something there. You don't have to become a pastor. You don't have to become a missionary. If you're in sales like I am, then honor the Lord in your sales position. If you're in contracting, if you do construction work, be the best construction worker there. Make friends there. Stand boldly for your faith in Christ and then allow the conversations to flourish so you can share the gospel to your coworker or to a client, or to a vendor, whatever. Not only does he want you to share the gospel, but he also wants you to be good at what you do because what you do does matter. In the grand scheme of things. God cares about that and. Take whatever big dream. And I'm not saying kill it, I'm just saying put it in a place where you know that you can't hold too tightly. And whenever you think about that, remind yourself to say, Lord willing, if that be his will, I'll do that. Because now you're saying that might not be for me. I might never become rich. I might never have a successful business. I might never become a pastor. I might never, um, become a rapper or a, a con, I don't know. Whatever. Whatever you want, guys. Whatever you want. My, my brain is like thinking of so many things. It's so fast. I can't even get the words out. You might not get that, but wherever God has you is good. So your ambition should be. What's in front of you and how you can glorify God with that. All right. I think I beat a dead horse enough. I hope this helps somehow. I hope that this encourages you and maybe helps shift the perspective in your mind. Remember that even when we're going through life, and it just seems like it's, it's full of chaos. Christ is there. He's there in the midst of all of this. And it may seem silent. It may seem very quiet. You might feel like you're in exile, but God is faithful and he will lead you to where you need to go. And at the end of the day, guys, it's not about us. It is about him. It is about His glory, and it is about making his name known, and it is about loving others as we do ourselves. Let that set you free. Let that let you. Breathe freely from here on out, that you don't have to do anything by your own might, and you can let go of that identity you once held onto so, so dearly. And find your identity in Jesus. Seek first the kingdom of God and all its righteousness and everything else will be added. Make sure you share this podcast for someone else. Leave a review. Subscribe, please. I need to get to connecting with you guys. Leave me a mail, a fan mail, or I hate that word. That was a terrible word. Leave me something. Um, in the link, in the show notes, there's a link that you could write to me. Questions, prayer requests, thoughts, whatever. I want to connect with you. I know that there are people listening to this and I'd like to connect with you some way, somehow and consider supporting the podcast, uh, if, if God leads you to do so, okay? Remember, in the midst of chaos, Christ is there. God bless.